I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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