does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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