Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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