dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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