So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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