Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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