Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

  (214): View more from Texas

  Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

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  (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj
  Replies (15) Good night (2381) Bad night (841)
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  (914): View more from New York

  im gay

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i know

  (914): View more from New York

  yea but for you.

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  (914): im gay (203): i know (914): yea but for you. http://tfl.nu/jbuy
  Replies (20) Good night (2050) Bad night (2930)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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  (651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj
  Replies (188) Good night (632) Bad night (4630) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

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  (914): I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you... http://tfl.nu/2hf7
  Replies (59) Good night (11217) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come

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  (574): i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come http://tfl.nu/d7fm
  Replies (9) Good night (5486) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face

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  (952): like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face http://tfl.nu/ozvq
  Replies (11) Good night (702) Bad night (1764) Order T-Shirt
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  (956): View more from Texas

  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
  Replies (12) Good night (4294) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot

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  (781): I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot http://tfl.nu/lamm
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.

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  (617): Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won. http://tfl.nu/nnbm
  Replies (13) Good night (1024) Bad night (1856) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

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  (574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8
  Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (2065)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.

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  (567): Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger. http://tfl.nu/4mv9
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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  (814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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  (303): My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief. http://tfl.nu/edfe
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...

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  (262): I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf... http://tfl.nu/zbk2
  Replies (4) Good night (316) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.

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  (314): He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it. http://tfl.nu/p1fo
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (188)

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