would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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