so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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