so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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