Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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