Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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