I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize