like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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