3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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