you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My hand turned me down
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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