Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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