I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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