I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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