fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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