Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Randomize