i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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