Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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