Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
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have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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