I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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