Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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