the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
where are my eyebrows?
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