She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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