Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize