I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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