So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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