he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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