So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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