lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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