i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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