Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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