I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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