Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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