Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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