I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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