So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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