the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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