remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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