i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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