well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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