Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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