My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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