Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found your dick twin last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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