There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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