so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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